She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
