I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
