k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
