I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
