When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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