I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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