So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I've blown a few things in my day
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
