HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
