Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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