stop calling my apartment porn island.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
