lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
