on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
