I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
