Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
