After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
