I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
