ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
