this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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