you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize