I think my fart just growled at me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
