hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
