My liver just broke up with me...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
