If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
