My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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