my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
