why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
