if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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