Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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