I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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