A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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