Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
