Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Are we still banned from the library?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
