I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Of course I have a pirate flag
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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