Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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