I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
