i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
