Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
