take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
