Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
