you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
