I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
