my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize