I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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