I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
