I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize