I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
