There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
