you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
