would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
