Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
