A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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