He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
