i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
