4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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