i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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