ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
