Me too!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
