So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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