If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
