Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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