dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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