i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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