I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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