I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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