I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
