remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
