Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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