i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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