bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
