i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
