I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
