i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize