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• (314): View more from Missouri

  My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.

  (585): View more from New York

  I hate you.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  ...there is blood under my fingernails.

  (515): View more from Iowa

  ...I hope my roomates are okay.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  I ordered a moonbounce.

  (813): View more from Florida

  Fuck, you win.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I can feel my liver begging me to stop.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior

  (226): View more from Ontario

  Little bit of both

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• (817): View more from Texas

  No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.

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• (310): View more from California

  See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?

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