Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
