Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
