Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my being single is dangerous.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
