we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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