Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
