that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
