I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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