The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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