where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
