I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
