he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
