They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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