you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
