Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
