you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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