There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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