Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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