I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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