I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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