Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
