Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
