bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
